Friday, February 8, 2008

They will find and kill you

This morning i woke with a feeling of guilt, as though i had done something terribly wrong. Questions, many of them, ran through my head as i thought about what i had witnessed, and what implications were imposed by this.

i was, i assume, a Nazi soldier. i could have been a Russian soldier, they had their share of indescribable war crimes. People don't like to blame the Russians for hating haters. Hating hate is a beautiful thing to many.

Along with a group of soldiers, i was playing a sick and twisted game. Many of my comrades were lined up, across from me. Between these two lines was a "playing field". Guns where given to the players, children many of them, to run about the field. It appeared as though they were playing a game of broom ball, running about with various arms, firing blindly at us, as we picked them off from "their game". Being on the opposite side of the field as my comrades fired in my direction was interesting, but i managed. After taking one out, with a small side arm, a pistol, i stood. A young boy spun about with an assault rifle, firing past me. i froze, and somehow was not injured. Lifting the pistol i aimed at the child, and fired, hoping to retrieve the AK-47 for myself. The shot went off, and the child kept moving, i missed him. i watched him as he walked a few more steps and spun one last time, falling onto the ground, becoming another body to litter the field. He looked as though he was barely old enough to walk as he fell. i had not missed.

i ran over, picked up the rifle, and ran back to where i had been. Upon returning i heard voices in a snow bank.

(i must have asked who was in the bank.)

A girl, in her mid to late teens popped half of her head through the snow. Oh my, she seems to have managed to have hidden, along with maybe one or two others, avoiding death i could only hope.

"God is close to us here," she said. It was apparent that she had stayed at the base of the bluff, maybe being 5-6 feet high at most; overnight while it snowed they had stay here.

"They will find and kill you," i said to her. She flinched a bit at my words. i was not going to reveal their position. If they could stay here, hiding, and live, would be a wonderful thing.
"Pray to GOD and ..." i trailed off. There was so much i wanted to say, and no time to say it. If i were caught talking to this girl in the snow, i would more than likely be killed myself, and my talking to her would show that someone else was here besides myself. "i'm an American," i began telling her, "from the state of Minnesota." i was not proud of what i was doing, i did not want to do what i was doing: killing people. It seemed to be hard on both of us, and was very emotional. She kissed my chin several times as i continued, "i have a family, four, a mother, father, sister...". i looked back to see men on the other side of the field, looking around, and told her to get down further.

The dream ended somewhere around here. i will admit, i think it's a bit awkard, but at the same time really cool. Awkward being the kissing, though it was meant for comfort and careing. Cool because it didn't make sense from a world perspective. She had every reason to hate me, to want me dead, to spit on me and drive her nails into me. Or, from her position in the snow bank, covered spare her face, to stare coldly at me with her eyes. But she received me, she felt for me, even though i was killing what where probably her family and friends.

And so, you might see why i had many questions upon waking. How loveing would she had to have been to act in the way she was acting? How was it that she seemed to be at such peace? Could have i have risked my life in attempt to save hers? What does this mean for me? How can i be more loving? Do i really reflect the qualitys of Christ, and if not, what do i need to work on?

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